Talks with My Twenties: March 15, 2005 - Age 24

The Ides of March

Well well well....it has offically [sic] been three years since my friend Chester Copperpot [name changed to protect the not-so innocent] and I got into some Spring Break trouble in good ol' Bedford, Indiana. 

Yes, a road trip, alcohol, male dancers, a strip club, a DUI and jail...luckily I was spared the humiliation of the latter two elements. 

But hey, you only live once right? Besides, the ONE WAY sign wasn't posted, otherwise we'd have made it back to the hotel with at least half of our dignity in tact. 

Ah, to be 21 and carefree again. Anyhow, I was just reminiscing. Now, three years later, I look back on this and am proud to have a story like this to tell. Not that I'd wanna live through it again, but hey, hindsight is 20/20. 

This week I'm on Spring Break from school and have vacation from work. I figure, if I stay away from the male dancers and away from small towns like Bedford, it'll be aiight.

-Tiff 

Dear 24-year-old Tiff,

Um...

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!

How am I still alive right now?

First of all, the balls you had to so very casually PUT OUT TO THE ENTIRE WORLD that time you and Copperpot got drunk, went to see some male dancers, followed by joining them at a regular strip club next door.

And, oh...you know…then your friend got a DUI and SPENT THE NIGHT IN JAIL…hahaha…no big deal.

Second: "Ah to be 21 and carefree again."

Ah yes, to be completely irresponsible. And then to spend the 5-hour, shame-filled drive home,  terrified, exhausted, and crying with your friend while stress-eating Cheetos and rubbing cheese dust onto the seat of the car. 

Dear, sweet, Tiff...you were only 24. I PROMISE you, you are still carefree at this point. And you'll be carefree until about 32. 

After that you start getting a little...ugh...more responsible when it comes to things like getting a restful night's sleep, sticking to your budget, and taking vitamins.

(Okay…so you will very drunkenly (and loudly) suggest going camping at 2am at your 33rd birthday party. Your friends laugh and take you to karaoke instead. You have fun for 5 minutes, but then you wine-cry and go home---because in your 30's, too much wine makes you emotional…no matter what. And basically any amount of wine gives you a hangover migraine the next day. But I digress…)

You will not, however, do anything like you did over Spring Break 2001 ever again. 

Thank god. 

Don't worry. There's still a lot of fun on the horizon. You don't even KNOW, girl. You don't. even. know. 



But  you're right. I still love having that story. 

Although, you did forget to mention that you pissed off some female strippers because you ended up on their stage, just laying there, laughing like a drunk hyena -- and one of the male dancers gave you a dollar. And then you fell out of your bar stool. 

Well, slid out in slow motion, really. The picture of elegance and grace. 

Oh and that you had to use the Dial-a-Ride half-bus, filled with locals who were going to the laundromat, in order to pick your car up from the impound lot. 

And then there was that preacher at the jail who saw you and thought you could REALLY use a bible right then and there.




That reminds me, you should know: you become a lot more honest about things as you get older...

Love,
33-year-old Tiff