Talks with My Twenties: March 22, 2005 - Age 24

Vacation….gone already 

Well, turns out my vacation stunk. I got sick on the days when I could finally go out. Lost my voice and well, I'll just say I got disrespected HARDCORE. I wanted to hang out in Chicago this past weekend, but sickness didn't allow for it. Crapola. That's the only way to describe it. However, i [sic] did catch up on my sleep. That's good. Also, I entered Stark-Tinkham today! We'll see what happens, but hey, who knows. Anyhow, I'm still sick, so I am going to go to bed. I'll catch you all up later. Anyone have any gas money? I didn't think so.

This is the only way I can possibly respond to the first part of this blog post.

The things you wrote about, 24-year-old me. Good lordt.

Anyways…

Girl, I know. Being sick on a vacation is never fun---but let's face it, this was probably the Universe's way of saying, "Oh honey…you're too broke to be spending what little money you have on trips to Chicago and Jagerbombs---tall. 

YES. 24-year-old me drank Jagerbombs tall. As a drink. In an actual pint glass.

It certainly is.

Again…

...how am I still alive?!

Ah well, eventually you start to realize these seemingly unfortunate types of circumstances are actually gifts from the Universe in disguise. I don't know if that comes with age or what, but it's a living-in-the-moment acceptance of what is. And let me tell you, it's much easier this way. 

I have no idea what happened when you lost your voice and who disrespected you or why. So, although it seemed HARDCORE…it really wasn't.

About Stark-Tinkham (my college's annual writing competition)…you win.

First and second place in the same category (poetry).

I know I like to think that I'm wiser than you in my 33-years, but in this respect you absolutely are ahead of the game. 

You believed in your work and were fearless about it. Where does that go? 

Because somewhere along the line you start to second-guess your abilities.

I mean, I start to.

What I'm saying is, I could learn a lot from you when it comes to putting myself out there and being a little more confident and fearless in the things that I do, 24-year-old Tiff.

The callout for gas money on your MySpace blog though, girl?

Wanted: Your Opinions - Like NOW

So, I've been making daily updates to FLAD but I'm wondering if perhaps this might be too advantageous.

So I'm going to leave it up to you guys…the few who read FLAD on the regular: THE FREQUENCY OF MY UPDATES LIES IN YOUR GRUBBY (but also strikingly beautiful)  LITTLE HANDS!

You should feel drunk with power right now. ALL OF YOU.

I just wonder if maybe posting less frequently works better for everyone.

Some thoughts on this:

• I'll have more time to write.
• You'll have more time to visit and read.
• You'll also have something to look forward to. 
• WE ALL WIN.
• Unless you don't read FLAD, in which case you'll never win.
• Also, you aren't reading this then, are you?
• Ice cream.
• I'll have more time to organize my thoughts on my MySpace posts.
• Now you want ice cream, don't you?
• Uncle Joey > Uncle Jesse for me. I'm sorry. 
• Not a looks thing, I just…musicians are great but humor really gets me. 
• You'll be less likely to miss a post.
• Plus I like saying the name "Dave Coulier"
• If I get busy, it won't be a let down for anyone if I can't post that day.
• http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/54500/cut-it-out-o.gif
• Reasons and random things make great bullet lists.

So just go ahead and answer right here, as often as you like:

How often should I update?
	Once per week
	Twice per week
	3 x per week
	4 x per week
	5 x per week
	6 x per week
	Daily
	NEVER AGAIN YOU SPIDER FART
	I like meatballs
pollcode.com free polls

I'll continue to post daily this week and make my decision for next week based on the feedback here. 

Talks with my Twenties: March 16, 2005 - Age 24

Vacation
3/16/2005
 Well, I just got done working out and picking up my paycheck from the Writing Center. Now I'm going to go to the bank, go home, do laundry and get CLEAN. I think I probably reek. I was sweatin like a hog. But hey, no pain no gain....right?

I head to Valpo later to pick up my driver's license which I accidentally left with a friend, then, it's off to karaoke to party with my friends. I'm not sure my body or psyche can handle the next 4 days of staying out until the sun rises, but I sure as hell am gonna try!

Besides, it's cold outside, so I can sleep during the day. What else? Hmmmm...... I don't really know, I guess I'm done writing for now.

Hold it right there, missy.

“I head to Valpo later to pick up my driver’s license which I accidentally left with a friend…”

A friend?

Would a friend get drunk to the point that when you let him know you were leaving to spend time with one of your girlfriends, he got incredibly jealous, verbally abusive, and forcefully swung open the door to his apartment and threw you out—making you so scared that you forgot your purse entirely (hence accidentally leaving your license)?

No, that is not a friend. 

And I wish I could go back in time, hug you and say, "Tiff, you don't have to call that guy your friend. You don't have to call him anything. As a matter of fact, you never need to think about or interact with a guy like that again if it doesn't feel okay. That is not acceptable behavior."

I think you knew it, but you weren't strong enough to set up that boundary yet. And that's okay.

Truth be told, it takes you years. And even now you sometimes find sticking to your boundaries challenging. But you've definitely gotten a lot better about it. 

As for staying out until the sun rises on your vacation – good for you, young Tiff. That’s a rarity these days, so I’m glad you got to experience it when you did.

But trust me, you’re okay with this…because now there are these amazing ways to spend your evenings in called “Netflix” and “Hulu Plus…”

Weekend nights start like this…

…and end like this.

P.S. Kudos on going to the gym. You tend to go in waves. Currently you're on the "I'm just waiting until it's not 400 degrees below zero before I hit the gym again" wave.  

And that's cool. 

A Quick Note of Gratitude

Don't worry, my 24-year-old-blog spewings will return shortly, but I felt like I needed to take a moment to thank, well, everyone.

Going through my old blogs (and I've read almost all of them just to see what I'm getting myself into in upcoming posts) I realized the truth of what many people have said about social media outlets:

People tend to post things that make themselves and everything in their lives look great.

Life events, accomplishments, amazing food that they're eating, check-ins to rad places, etc. You know what I'm talking about.

Makin' everything seem like...

Of course, no one wants to read posts about how bad things are all the time either.

"Ugh. My toothpaste fell off the brush onto the counter, and then I forgot my lunch, and then the bus smelled like piss, and also I'm still single, and the sun is mocking my misery, and why are my friends so happy, and…"

I think there's a fine line between being honest in social media and being too positive or too negative---which based on my MySpace entries and my Facebook posts over the years, I am guilty of BOTH.

But I've been trying to post honestly. To highlight the good, the average, the normal, and sometimes to include the not-so-great. Because the truth is, everyone is dealing with something at some point, and it's really important to keep that in mind.

We all have our victories and our battles. That's human nature. And sometimes it's hard to remember that.

Anyways, the reason I'm telling you all of this is not to incorporate gifs or talk social media -- it's because last night I posted on my Facebook page the following status update:

"Not gonna try to hide it: feeling a little blue tonight. Life is good, but sometimes you still get sad. That's just part of it."

This wasn't a cry for help. It wasn't a post in order to garner attention or a response.

In all honesty, I felt like it was important to be vulnerable and let my friends know that, Hey guys, this weekend I posted a lot of really fun stuff; it looks like I'm always happy all the time. But the truth is, tonight I'm blue. Nothing major, it's just the way life goes. But, you know… it's not all cooking in fun aprons, cuddling with GC, and movie nights. 

What happened next blew my ever-loving mind (and led to me writing this post).

Within minutes, friends were reaching out in various ways just to let me know I was loved. Simple as that. Making me laugh with texts and messages and empathizing.

It was beautiful. And although I was blue, knowing that I wasn't alone and being reminded that the people in my life are absolutely amazing made it much, much easier to fall asleep last night.

And more importantly, to remember to be incredibly grateful.

And also to make sure I pay close attention to the people in my life in case they need a text or a hug or a laugh.

So, everyone, thank you. I am a really lucky lady, and better---so much better---for knowing all of you.

Next time I see any of you lovely idiots, this. 

Sunday Special Series: Talks with My Teenage Years #1

So, I also have my high school diary on hand.

I've decided that because there are far less entries in it compared to my MySpace blogs, I'm going to make Sundays special by posting from that diary.

Here we go.

November 28, 1994

Well, today was kinda bad because [guy I had a crush on] wasn't in school today and I missed seeing him. I really like him. Does he like me? I don't know.

But anyway, someone said that I was thin, and then some boy said that that was disgusting. Oh great! Now I'm disgusting. Sometimes I get mad! No boys have ever liked me and I"m already 14!

Freshman year stinks! Well at least this part. Oh well. [Girl Friend] and I are really good friends now. I hope she stays that way.




I can't be sarcastic with 14-year-old Tiff. Mainly because she just didn't know any better.

Girl, I know it seems like being 14 and not having had a boyfriend yet is a bad deal, but I wish that instead you could have appreciated the time you didn't spend worrying about relationships.

They were so fun. You were so free. And goofy. And incredible. And no boyfriend in the world -- especially at that age -- could compare to that.

And you know what? Fuck that person who said being thin was disgusting. What the hell did they know anyways? You're not that thin anymore, but you know what? You are starting to be more comfortable in your skin regardless of what size you are and THAT is what's important.

I am so sorry I wasn't able to go back in time and explain that to you. It would have saved you a lot of needless worrying over how you thought you looked and who you thought you were supposed to be -- when just being you was absolutely good enough.

You were beautiful, 14-year-old Tiff. You were silly and fun and beautiful. (You still are, by the way. Even though some days you still don't believe it. It's a process...)

And that guy you were crushing on? Don't worry about him. At some point he realizes how great you are but it's too late and you've long sinced move on by then.

And you laugh about it.

I wish I could have told you to stop worrying and to just enjoy the ride---but I guess that's what all teenagers have to eventually learn on their own, right?

Love,
33-year-old Tiff

Talks with My Twenties: March 15, 2005 (post #3) - Age 24

Subject: Males

I will never understand them. I don't hate them, one bad apple shouldn't spoil the bunch....but how is it that I get 3 rotten ones on [sic] a row? *lol* I think I'm going to vomit.

First of all, me, THREE posts in one day?! About nothing?

At 24, you had the Seinfeld of blogs, Tiff. 

Anyhow, you are so cute. 24 and upset that your last 3 relationships were with rotten dudes. (And actually, if you're referring to your ex-husband, give it some time. You guys actually become friends. I know...you never saw that one coming, did ya?)

I don't even know who the third rotten one is. That is how insignificant that guy became.

But most importantly, the second guy you're referring to? The one you thought you'd never live without? Guess what?

You are living without him just fine. 

You barely ever think about him. Those thoughts stopped sometime in 2006. Now every once and a while he crosses your mind, but it's just another memory.

No different than the memory of that day in kindergarten when you were absolutely terrified of those hermit crabs that some twisted, 5-year-old monster brought in for show-and-tell.

Actually, that memory causes more strife than thinking about good ol' Mr. "I Once Taped a Razor to a Stick So I Could Shave My Back." (#truth)

What I am saying though is, the memory of that guy and the relationship doesn't carry all that weight forever. You get over it.  And that's a beautiful thing.



You still don't understand men, though. You have a better grasp...but I don't think they'll ever stop being mind-boggling.

All we know about that at 33 is:

Maybe 43-year-old Tiff will have some insight on that one.

Love,
33-year-old Tiff

Talks with My Twenties: March 15, 2005 (post #2) - Age 24

Subject: This was neat-o
Posted Date3/15/2005 3:49:00 PM

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	breath taking
Your hugs are...	friendly
Your eyes...	burn into my heart
Your touch is...	heart warming
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	hypnotising
Your love is...	unique
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Dear 24-year-old Tiffany:

…dafuck is this shit?

Let me get this straight…

…you decided to post the results of a random generator that assigns attributes to things like your kisses, your hugs, your SMELL (?!?!)

...as an entire blog post?

Oh. Girl.





Meh. I'll be truthful here: Even at 33 you can't help but take the occasional "Which New Girl Character Are You?" quiz on BuzzFeed (You're Jess, btw. Duh.)

BUT YOU DO NOT BLOG ABOUT IT.

You post it on Facebook. Like a goddamned grownup.

(Don't worry. You think your MySpace addiction gets bad? Wait until you get to really know Facebook in 2007…)

Love,
33-year-old Tiff.