Pinterest Responded to My Email - AND MADE A BOARD BASED ON IT!!!

The fine folks at Pinterest are not only fine, but also have an amazing sense of humor (and good taste, obviously) and responded to the email I sent them regarding some couple-centric Valentine's Day pin ideas:

These guys are great. Now THIS is love, right?! 

Here is a link to the board they shared for your own enjoyment (it's based on everything in my email!): http://www.pinterest.com/charlotte/community-team-valentine-suggestions/

Coincidentally, here is a link to the board I recently created (Spinsterest) which also celebrates the single life: http://www.pinterest.com/nodoubter1023/spinsterest/

Thank you again, Pinterest and Arla - it's looking like tomorrow might be my favorite Valentine's Day yet!

All of it. I buy all of it. The week after. At 75% off. 

Singledom, Valentine's Weekend, and an Email from (and to) Pinterest...

Gonna break tradition here and skip out on talking with my 20s today. Instead, I have something else important to talk about.

And it's serious, dammit.

Just kidding!

Gotcha!

It's not serious at all. As a matter of fact, it's more of a joke. Or an annoyance-fueled impulse, really. Whoops.

So what happened? 

Well, this morning I noticed that Pinterest had emailed me its usual, "Here are some pins we think you'd like, Tiff!" email. 

Only this time it was themed for Valentine's Day. 

More specifically, it was themed only for people who have a Valentine.

My sentiments exactly, Chloe...

In all truth, I'm not really upset by this. I actually enjoy what's going on in my life as it is, and although, you know, who wouldn't like to meet Mr. or Miss Right eventually, I'm in no rush. 

But this silly holiday and all of its marketing, it seems to solely focus on romantic love as if it's the only kind of love there is. And I think it isolates the single folk - as if we're not allowed to participate in this upcoming weekend because we're some sort of mutants. 

"... it doesn't help that underneath our clothes our entire bodies are covered in scales."

It also serves as a constant reminder of our singleton status - and while we might be happy with it or just fine with it or working on it or whatever, it can, unfortunately, still have the slightest sting. 

Much like the way this Chicago winter has been. (Happens every year, and every year, at some point, Chicagoans are OVER IT. This year much sooner than normal, no? #polarvortex)

So this was the message in my inbox from Pinterest:

Why not just cut it off at romantic dinner? 

So during the lack-of-enough-coffee-to-regulate-my-emotions part of the morning, I responded: 

I *might* have been slightly overreacting initially.
And by might I mean definitely was.  Oops.

Of course, we all know that marketing emails are sent out by bots.

Ugh…fine.

I felt like I needed to be heard. So I took myself to the Help Center and put in a ticket request. In addition to filling out information about the nature of my issue ("Something Seems to Be Broken - Other"), my username, a screenshot of their email and my initial response, and some other bits and pieces of info, I wrote Pinterest the following letter:

Title: I know it's that time of year...


...and I'm not angry, but...

I really don't want Valentine's "couples" nonsense shoved in my currently, very single face.

I realize this was just a mass marketing email meant to celebrate an upcoming holiday...but look, not everyone has a Valentine. And trust me, I'm reminded of my singleness every day when I see all of my engaged friends' boards. (Happy for them, truly! But still...)

Normally I like your pin suggestions. I have found some ri-dic-u-lous smoothie recipes that have CHANGED MY LIFE AND MY APPRECIATION FOR BLENDING VEGETABLES WITH FRUITS. (Who knew?!)

But wouldn't it be wiser (and more considerate, perhaps) to send a message that encompasses the idea of love and this holiday that's not just romance-centric?

One that includes the population of your users who are not celebrating Valentine's Day in a traditional sense?

Or maybe just, you know, RECOGNIZES US A LITTLE?

If it's the holiday of love, perhaps it's about more than sweethearts and breakfast in bed...which, if we're talking about that situation at my apartment, would consist of cold, leftover pizza (because one person can't finish the whole thing*) while my cat sleeps on my head and reruns of Frasier play on Netflix in the background.

(Of course. OF COURSE I’m also a "stereotypical single cat lady" because I'm past 30, single, and I own one very old cat. And I watch Frasier. Okay---that one I take full responsibility for in regard to my stereotype. I am doing myself no favors in that respect, I'm well aware. But it's pretty good comedy in terms of the writing, let's be honest. I'm sorry, I'm digressing.)

I know I sound incredibly bitter, and maybe it's because Chicago has suddenly become a frozen, nearly unlivable tundra in which it seems all hopes for spring (or even temperatures over 10 degrees) have frozen and shattered into a million sad and sparkly pieces. (It's okay, I use them as ice in my endless post-work margaritas. As a matter of fact, I got my favorite margarita recipe from a pin. And it is delicious.)

What I’m saying is, what about us? Your loyal Pinners who aren’t paired up with sweethearts to cook meals made for two for?

Where are the additional Pin suggestions for the person who will be spending the weekend with her other single friends?

• The pin that suggests the best places to live it up and celebrate the love that friendship and shaking your booty with your besties brings? 

• Or maybe a recipe for a pint of homemade ice cream I can make while eating my feelings and watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in my favorite pajama set? (It has owls on it and I love it.) 

• The crochet pattern for a new sweater for my cat? (She really does love sweaters.) 

• The fashion ideas for the speed dating event I’ll surely attend in my desperation? (JUST KIDDING. I’m not THAT desperate.) 

• Or the pin detailing just where I can go out and find the best deals on all the leftover candy in the days following Valentine’s Day? 

The pins that say, “Hey single folks, here are ways YOU can turn Valentine’s Day into a celebration too!”

And even though I know I sound like a pitiful, bitter, single lady – the truth is, I’m not really unhappy.

This is just where I am in my life and that’s totally cool. To be honest, it gives me more time to try out all the arts and crafts pins I find anyways.

I guess what I’m saying, Pinterest, is that I adore you. And normally I love the emails you send me containing some pretty great suggestions.

But this time around, it just kind of felt like you were borderline rubbing it in my face that on this upcoming holiday lovefest, I won’t be making or waking up to breakfast in bed—or a hot, half-naked sweetheart.

Instead, I’ll be waking up to my cat (who arguably looks like she’s already been taxidermied because of her old age), and Frasier reruns (I can’t help it), and --- if I’m lucky, leftover pizza (maybe it’ll even be heart-shaped).

And of course I know there’s nothing wrong with that, but you know, as happy as I am with life in general, there’s still a teeny, tiny sting this time of year.

Like when you break your arm on the last day of school before summer vacation and although you still manage to have a good time (because hey, it’s effing summer and you don’t really have a care in the world), you just can’t help but get slightly jealous of your friends who get to use the beach for more than just its sand. You know what I mean?

And I just needed to say that. Because that’s what love is all about, isn’t it? Speaking up and saying what needs to be said in order to work through and build the relationship?

Yeah. I really feel like this little talk has made us stronger, Pinterest. Thanks for listening.

Happy Valentine’s Day.


Love,
Tiff


*I’m a dirty liar. I can totally eat an entire pizza by myself.

So there you have it.

In a weird, lack-of-coffee, random Tuesday psuedo-rage, I emailed Pinterest about a unimportant marketing email.

While also spilling all the gory details of my love life.
Yep.

I don't know what fueled any of this, really. I guess I just thought it would be an interesting experiment. To respond to something that sparked an opinion in me. And it's not really important if anyone at Pinterest actually reads it (although I did send it to 3 separate departments before finally landing on the one that could possibly lead to actual humans).

And yeah, it's kind of silly, and a teensy bit passive-y aggressive-y (old habits die hard). Especially since, for the most part I am the happiest I've probably ever been with my life and everything in it -- and not in it right now. 

I just know that this time of year can sometimes be really hard for people. And had it been another time in my life, I might have opened that email and just hated the entire rest of my day. 

And no one should hate the rest of their day.

Granted, that's not Pinterest's fault. Pinterest is pretty great. And I know they meant no malice. It was just the first romance-sugary-couple-themed Valentine marketing email I happened to open this year.

Pinterest, I love you. I really, really do.

In any case, however you find yourself this weekend, I wish you a very Happy Valentine's Weekend, single, taken or otherwise. :) 

UPDATE!

Pinterest responded to the email and created a board for me based on the entire thing! Check out my post here: http://funnylikeadonkey.blogspot.com/2014/02/pinterest-responded-to-my-email.html

Also, here's the board -- it's the best valentine EVER: http://www.pinterest.com/charlotte/community-team-valentine-suggestions/

TAINTed Love

“Oh yeah. I’ve heard of that stuff. I know sometimes cyclists use it. Do you use it for cycling too?” 

“Well yes, but mainly for my taint area.”

This was an actual conversation I had, on an actual date, with an actual human male a little over a week ago.

And I don’t know about you ladies out there, but it’s pretty much always never been my dream to hear those sweet, sweet words pouring out of my date’s mouth as I’m getting ready to put another chip, heaping with guacamole, into my mouth.

Ah…romance!

I should probably back up a little and provide some backstory, right?

Basically it’s this: I’ve started dating again and I still despise online dating as much as I ever have. More, really.

I’ve been on quite a few online dates in my adult life, two of which actually resulted in long-term relationships.

Although,  I mean, look how well those turned out.

So of course I decided to give it another go...and I ended up on a date with a guy who told me about his taint cream.

Taint cream....

TAINT.

CREAM.

And then had me pay for my dinner.

(But I mean, I wasn’t expecting dinner AND a show, so I guess it was worth it?)

My lotioned-taint Lothario was actually the second person that I went out with in the past month or so. 

The first was a 34-year-old professional pedicab driver emblazoned with a tattoo of a giant eyeball (to commemorate his recent cataract surgery...duh) and who wore a screw as an earring.

In the middle of the date he pedaled us off into an alley where he proceeded to pee and then roll and smoke a spliff. At the end of the night he left me stranded to find my own way home from Bucktown so that he could go to a late-night electronic music festival afterparty.






Needless to say, I think this all might just be the Universe's way of saying, "Stop it. Enjoy your summer."

Point taken, Universe...

...and I'm sorry you had to resort to talk of taint cream.

Why Did My Ex Hate This Shirt?

I am a MAKER OF ANGER!

About a month ago I ended a relationship with a guy who I really, really loved, but after a second attempt at being together, I realized it wasn’t going to work this time around either.

Since the breakup, I've cried a lot, enjoyed copious amounts of “therapy cake” (which is just regular cake, only more healing and delicious), played my ukulele, cried some more, eaten more cake, taken walks, signed up for a class, and been really just trying my best to remain a composed, grown-ass woman during what’s proven to be a rollercoaster of a time.

And I really fucking hate rollercoasters.

A couple weeks after things ended, I decided I needed a night out with my girlfrands. Which is also when I came across the shirt pictured above, as I tried to pick out what to wear.

My ex-boyfriend HATED that shirt. Hated it.

To the point that not only would he prefer I not wear it when we went out,  when I would change out of it he'd verbally and physically express intense relief. Relief akin to finding a bathroom at precisely 10 seconds before pissing all over oneself.

Funny enough, out of all of the people who have ever seen me wear that shirt (and I wear it a lot now, by the way), he was the only one who disliked it.

So I began to wonder: what about this particular piece of clothing could possibly cause such an adverse reaction in my ex? 

Naturally I did what any woman in this situation would do and created a speculative list with some ideas about why this shirt caused that man so much damn angst:

1. It drew attention to my boobs while at the same time covering my boobs. Too much of a conundrum.

2. If I was wearing my sequined half-top out, then how could he wear his?

3. A half shirt is not worthy of the same respect as a WHOLE SHIRT.  Obvi.*

4. Too many colors. It's hard.

5. First comes sequins, then comes marriage, then comes SO MANY BABIES! Am I right, ladies?!

6. He secretly wished he could wear it to the gym.

7. The sight of it triggered something in his brainparts that turned all of his thoughts into spiders. Actual spiders. Ugh, THOUGHTSPIDERS. The. Worst.

8. Hipsters.

9. It reminded him of a Vegas show girl he probably used to date.**

10. Because, LOW CALORIE FRUIT JUICE. (He used to buy that shit, and that shit is fucking disgusting. This needed to be said.)

11. He probably worried that more people would like this shirt on Facebook than they would one of his posts.

12. It looked like the deep space field, but it wasn't the deep space field. The shirt is a lie.

13. It was too dressy for the storage closet he let me keep my things in when I stayed over.***

14. Traumatic childhood arts and crafts accident?

15. It taunted him when I wasn't looking, like:

That's pretty much all I could come up with so far. But I think I'm pretty much on track.


*I should note, this half-top was never worn to show my midriff. It was always worn over a longer tank top. 

**Unlikely. I would have heard about her at least 50 times over the course of our relationship.

***To be fair, he eventually let me hang things up in his bedroom closet about a week before the breakup. Maybe he just couldn't handle that shirt getting that close to his button downs and cycling kits...